Why English is a "Crazy Language": Richard Lederer’s Linguistic Paradoxes

According to author and educator Richard Lederer, the English language—despite being the most widely spoken language in history and the primary medium for international communication—is fundamentally "crazy" due to its internal contradictions and illogical structures. Lederer, who taught English for nearly three decades before dedicating himself to exploring the "wonders and oddities" of the tongue, originally shared these insights in his 1981 essay "English Is a Crazy Language," published in the journal Word Ways. The work was later expanded into his 1989 best-selling book, Crazy English. He argues that the language is rife with paradoxes that defy common sense, noting that while English has acquired the largest vocabulary in the world—with approximately two million words—its application often involves a "culinary madness" and "unreliable" naming conventions.

Lederer highlights the absurdity of English nomenclature by pointing out that many items are named after things they do not actually contain. While teaching at St. Paul's School in Concord, New Hampshire, he observed that there is "no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, no grape in grapefruit," and "neither pine nor apple in pineapple." This pattern of illogical naming extends to prepared foods, such as "french fries" not originating in France and "english muffins" not being an English invention. The author suggests that these inconsistencies make the language a source of "insanity" for those attempting to navigate its literal meanings.

The biological world provides further evidence for Lederer’s thesis, as he identifies numerous animals whose names are factually misleading. He reports that "panda bears and koala bears aren't bears" but are actually marsupials, while "guinea pigs" are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs, but rather South American rodents. Even the colors associated with flora and fauna are often incorrect; for instance, he notes that a "blackbird hen is brown" and blackberries are "green and then red" before they reach their namesake ripeness.

Lederer further examines the grammatical and phonetic irregularities that plague English speakers. He questions the lack of consistency in pluralization and verb conjugation, asking why "if the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?" He illustrates how similar-sounding words or identical prefixes can have wildly different outcomes, noting the irony that "if pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress?" He also points out that certain words with identical meanings, such as "flammable and inflammable," use different prefixes to describe the same property, while "overlook and oversee" remain opposites.

The essay also touches upon the strange environmental and social contexts in which English is used, describing a linguistic landscape where people "drive in a parkway and park in a driveway" or "ship by truck and send cargo by ship." Lederer posits that language is "like the air we breathe," something invisible and indispensable that is often taken for granted until one steps back to explore its "paradoxes and vagaries." He uses the global influence of English to underscore its dominance, noting that even the Russians utilized English-language radio broadcasts to "win friends and influence nations," recognizing it as the most effective tool for international persuasion despite its internal lunacy.

The continued study of these linguistic quirks may offer deeper insights into how the English language evolved into its current complex and often contradictory form.